Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
