I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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