he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you made out with another girl for some wings
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
