His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
