dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
