I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You can't just leave with hair like that
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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