Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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