i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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