Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
