I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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