I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
