I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
