She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
