you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
