so that wasnt chicken after all
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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