I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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