Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
from now on my penis is your penis
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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