Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
