I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
