Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Everyone says I win the strip club
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
