I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
