Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
