I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
