My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
