i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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