I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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