Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
