I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
