I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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