Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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