do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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