Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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