If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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