He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
