I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
