So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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