Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
