my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
