Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
