It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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