hotel room ftw
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
