i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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