She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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