Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
