Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
