i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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