Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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