I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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