She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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