I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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