the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
